i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
