I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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