I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so let's talk penis.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
