Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
