I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
