I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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