So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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