i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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