I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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