forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
