And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
