Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
