I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You ruined the universe
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
