im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
