I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
