Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
