Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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