How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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