i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
