I hate your face
Duck Duck Cougar?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
