The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
