I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
