Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
