i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
