He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
