when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
