I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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