drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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