Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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