So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
