I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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