That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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