six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my liver is dry heaving
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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