Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
