At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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