ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
