Nicole vs. Life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
