Come see our sink grown plant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
