He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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