rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
