the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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