I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
