..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
