Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
