and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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