Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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