What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
