i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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