Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
