Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
