Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
