Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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