Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Boobs speak an international language.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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