yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
