im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
